I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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