I cannot find my penis.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
