It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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