The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
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