Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
