I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
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