I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
my phone needs a breathalizer
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
