How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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