I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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