First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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