Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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