I can text with my tongue
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed