So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
