Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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