..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
