WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
