is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
A+ Viking dick
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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