yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Randomize
