He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
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