Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Randomize
