I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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