There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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