I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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