i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
