Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
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