I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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