Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
