whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
