Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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