Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Randomize
