i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
