A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
