I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
