We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Randomize
