Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
