How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
