i can't believe i had my finger in that
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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