I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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