guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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