90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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