dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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