the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
