I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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