i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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