and next time when you feel me up, do it right
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
