He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Help me help you realize you are a moron
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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