I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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