Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
