hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
