i just wanna soil my oats bro
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
