we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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