my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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