He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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