i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
