still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
My butt remains clenched, sir.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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