she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
