I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
