are you still at the devil's house?
Where did you get a picture of my penis
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
