It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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