"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
