remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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