Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
