The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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