You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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