i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
