I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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