Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
