I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
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