man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
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I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
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Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
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