I feel great
I just peed on a car
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
