It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Randomize
