I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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