Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
