I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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